


Stop the Apiecalypse

by CatrinaSL



Series: A Simple Device [73]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, Food Fight, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-22 04:50:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7420609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatrinaSL/pseuds/CatrinaSL
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve returns to base and finds a battleground... and his Soulmate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stop the Apiecalypse

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RageQueen89](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RageQueen89/gifts).



> This fic is dedicated to RageQueen89, who is perfect and my favorite and also gave us the Words.
> 
> Important: [Confectioner's Sugar = Powdered Sugar = Icing Sugar](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Powdered_sugar). Educate yourself before you proceed.
> 
> Soulmate AU Reminder: Everyone has a Soulmark, a tattoo of the first words their Soulmate will say to them. Showing someone else your Soulmark is like baring your soul to them, so most people only show their Soulmate or very trusted friends.

Steve had been away for two weeks, hunting futilely through a mountain range in eastern Europe for a certain ex-assassin. He didn't expect that much would be different when he arrived back at the compound; the only planned change had been the addition of Doctor Jane Foster to the group of scientists already gathered there.

But when he got there, he found one big difference.

The place was a mess. Not on the outside, or in the training room, or in the labs, but when he reached the common kitchen, there was what likely had been an entire cake in the middle of the floor, icing everywhere.

"What happened here?" He wondered aloud. 

"Oh, Cap, you're back," Sam observed, sticking his head out from behind the island. 

Steve noticed that there were raspberries spilling across the counter and onto the floor, and also that there was some kind of orange sticky string dripping from the cabinet above the sink.

"Something I should know?" he asked.

"Uh, kind of a long story," Sam replied, maintaining his position. He opened his mouth to begin, but was interrupted. 

"They're coming," said a voice, and though Steve couldn't see anyone, he did see the refrigerator open for a moment, before it was closed with a snap.

"Steve's back; should we call a truce?" Steve heard Sam ask.

"No can do," the girl replied. "They got Tony to whip them up some kind of flour or confectioner’s sugar dusters or something. Our only chance is to get in close and get them first."

"Where's Natasha?"

"Already armed and in place to surprise them from behind. It's dangerous to go alone; take this."

"Come on, Sam. You want to give me some details?" Steve asked.

A head popped up from behind the island, and curious blue eyes looked at him from behind a pair of heavy rimmed glasses. An accompanying hand, fingernails adorned with bright blue polish, motioned him to join them.

He rolled his eyes and walked to the other side of the kitchen, smiling a little when Sam grinned up at him from where he was crouched. But his commanding officer frowned and pulled Steve down next to her, slapping a can of whipped topping into his palm.

"The end of the world is coming," she informed him. "Arm yourself."

He stared at her, the Words she had said seeming to echo through him.

"Sudden death round," Sam explained, then turned to his 'CO.' "Is that fair, though? Pulling Steve in on our side?" Sam wanted to know.

Steve's Soulmate shrugged. "They recruited Tony."

Sam accepted this logic with a nod.

Their pre-battle chat came to an end with the sound of a shriek from the hall outside the common area, and Natasha's shout of "No powers! Using powers is cheating!"

"You use your skills against us; is this not also cheating?" came Wanda's reasoned response.

"Leave her; she's a distraction! Focus!" Rhodey called, his sharp orders ending in an undignified squawk, presumably caused by pressurized whipped cream being sprayed in his face. "That doesn't count," he protested to the super-spy, "you were already out!"

"Maybe not, but it makes me feel better," Natasha said, the sound of her voice coming nearer as she entered the common room.

"I would advise you to stay back until the end of the battle, Ms. Romanov," said Vision, his voice floating over to them.

Natasha made a dissatisfied noise and they heard her throw herself into a chair.

"All right, we've got you," Rhodey told the holdouts behind the island. "Come on out and maybe we'll decide to take it easy on you."

"Lies!" Steve's Soulmate protested.

"Okay, maybe not, but—" Rhodey was saying.

Sam didn't give him the chance to finish, shaking up his can of whipped topping and rolling to the side.

"No!" Steve's Soulmate tried to stop him, but it was too late. 

He sprayed Wanda's foot and nearly grazed Rhodey, but then rolled onto his back as a cloud of something white ("Confectioner's sugar," he reported, after licking his lips) descended on him.

Steve's Soulmate gave a pretend sniffle. "We will always remember your sacrifice," she told Sam, her voice sounding teary even though she wasn't.

"It would be wise to surrender, Miss Lewis," Vision suggested. "You cannot hope to defeat both myself and Colonel Rhodes."

His Soulmate made eye contact, shaking her head. 

Steve understood, and nodded his agreement. Surrender was not an option. He scooted forward and opened the door of the cabinet behind him, searching for and finding what he needed: a secret weapon.

"Come on out, Darcy," Rhodey said, his tone friendly. Steve thought that he might have taken the deal if  _ he _ had been alone, but the grin on his Soulmate's face said she would rather have gone down in a blaze of glory.

"Okay, I'll totally come out, I'll come out right now," she called, to cover the sound of Steve's preparation.

"Put your hands up," Rhodey advised.

"Yup, I'm definitely doing that," she replied, winking at Steve as she raised her one free hand slowly up over the edge of the counter.

"Wait," they heard Rhodey say, and Steve's Soulmate quickly withdrew her white flag.

"He was talking to Vision," Sam told them.

"Quiet, you; you're out," Wanda tried to interrupt.

"They only have one shot apiece!" Natasha realized.

"Come on, Romanov!" Rhodey whined, objecting to her interference.

Both Natasha and Sam began to argue back, and that's when Steve's Soulmate shouted, "Go!"

He rolled out from behind the island in much the same way Sam had, lobbing his missile and letting loose with the slightly diminished can of whipped topping. He was rewarded for his efforts with a face full of confectioner's sugar as Vision's weapon went off, and shook it out of his eyes in time to see his Soulmate getting Rhodey in the chest with her own ammunition (which was a fairly accurate shot considering she had most likely been aiming for his face).

Then Sam and Natasha (who was, like himself and Sam, covered in confectioner's sugar) were laughing along with Wanda at the improvised pie that had hit Vision in the face, and Rhodey was setting down his weapon to join them, and Steve's Soulmate was handing him a kitchen towel to wipe the confectioner's sugar off of his forehead.

"Ha!" she declared. "Victory!"

"Recruiting at the last minute—" Rhodey protested, but Steve's Soulmate cut him off.

"You guys pulled Tony in on your side, this totally evens things out," she said. Rhodey acknowledged this with a wave and a laugh, Wanda went to help Vision, and Sam stood, declaring his need for a shower.

"This has been a very interesting demonstration of human interpersonal relations," Vision told Wanda as she pulled the flimsy pie tin away from his face and he licked some whipped topping off of it. Wanda laughed.

"I think we should make Steve clean up this mess," Natasha said, "since it was his fault it started in the first place."

Steve gave her a martyred look.

"Sam said you were on your way back so I was making a cake for everybody to share," his Soulmate told him.

"For you, she was making it for you," Wanda added.

"And then Wanda started sassing me," she continued, in Wanda's direction.

"I think you technically threw the first raspberry," Sam pointed out.

"If I did, there was no reason to retaliate with the spray cheese," she replied, identifying the substance still clinging steadfastly to the cabinet above the sink.

"It devolved from there," Rhodey informed him, gesturing to the cake on the floor.

"Well, it's one of the more interesting homecomings I've had," Steve told him, getting to his feet and handing the towel back to his Soulmate.

"Perhaps we should involve Mr. Stark in the cleanup," Vision suggested.

"You can try," Natasha said, prowling away in the direction of her room.

"Sorry about the cake," his Soulmate apologized as everyone filtered out of the room.

"Don't worry about it," he told her. "I had a good time. I never thought I would get the chance to stop the apocalypse with a pie."

**Author's Note:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](http://catrinasl.tumblr.com/post/147143048688/stop-the-apiecalypse)
> 
> Tumblr: [catrinasl](http://catrinasl.tumblr.com)
> 
> Twitter: [@Catrina_SL](http://twitter.com/Catrina_SL)


End file.
